..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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