Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
