My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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