Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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