U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
A bitchslap is in order.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
