I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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