Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
