Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
