i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
