i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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