What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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