Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'd cum for enchiladas.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Terrible idea I love it
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
