Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
me + whiskey = a bad person
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
