Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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