I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
