I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
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