I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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