I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
