If that was your dad, he is hot
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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