I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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