1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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