my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
