Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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