I just made out with a guy for $7.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
There r osticjed everywhere
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
