yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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