Pregnant stripper...not hot.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
