oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
