Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
