; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
