i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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