OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
