Got a toothbrush?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
