I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
