i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
