mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
