you have to choose: penises or morals?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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