guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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