I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
