If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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