she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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