dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
