paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
