there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
