Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
