When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
