After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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