If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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