the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
