when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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