please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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