I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
