Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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