Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
