Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
