cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
