I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
operation have a gay friend backfired
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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