her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
