I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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