I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
