Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
