he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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