Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
