This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
