I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
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I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize