I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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